Children in many countries are eating more junk food and convenience snacks. Why are children doing this and how serious are the consequences?
Give reasons for your answer and provide any relevant examples form your knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, consuming fast food and processed food is on the rise, especially among children. This essay will discuss several reasons why fast food is becoming popular among children and also examine following (delete “following”) negative impacts of this trend.
To begin with, there are a number of reasons why snack (junk) food is gaining in (popularity with children. The first reason is convenient (convenience). Due to busy lifestyle that people lead nowadays, many parents do not have enough time to prepare home-cooked meals or healthy snacks for their children, consequently, they chose (choose) to give them convenience food since it is ready to be served. The second reason is the ubiquity of junk food these days. It is sold everywhere and is available in various kinds and flavours (How is the number of flavours relevant to its ubiquity?) As a result, junk food consumption is growing, especially, among children. In addition, it is extremely easy to be get hooked on these kind of snacks, since they are relatively cheap but very tasty. (Mixing cheapness and deliciousness together as one idea is a little confusing.)
There are several problems related to junk food. This topic sentence does not match the question First of all, junk food is usually less nutritious compared to fresh food. Mass – produced food contains a great deal of salt, sugar and excessive fat, which is the major cause of serious diseases, such as obesity, diabetes and heart problems. Besides that, dependence on convenience snacks, and fast food sets negative habits for children and they may be carried over into their future lives. For example, nowadays, more and more individuals greatly depend on junk food and do not know how to prepare a simple home – made meal, deal to (due to) the fact that they were not taught in their childhood.
In conclusion, junk food is (has) become more and more popular among children in this modern age (Do not make the mistake of repeating the context of the question – this kind of sentence only belongs in the introduction). However, there several downside(s) accompanied which is (include) diet-related diseases and unhealthy habits.
In this essay the student sometimes forgets that the essay is about children’s eating habits — you can see where I have put the word twice. There is also a problem in paragraph one with coherence and cohesion. Some of the ideas are linked together in a way that is not rational.
In the second paragraph, the student needs to more specifically address the question — He writes “There are several problems related to junk food.” If we check this against the question “how serious are the consequences” and remember the context “children” then a better sentence would be:
The consequences of children consuming too much junk food are very serious. (A number of consequences would follow)
The conclusion contains a classic mistake that we can all learn from. It repeats the context, or opening general statement. We only need to do this in the introduction. In the conclusion, we briefly summarise paragraph one and two (sometimes in alternate order if that fits,) without any specifics or explanations. For example:
In conclusion, the reasons that children are consuming more convenience foods are that they are convenient, readily available and addictive. The consequences are serious and include major diet-related health problems and poor food habits.